Elin’s Random Talk – 1 : Please, don’t ever settle.

I’ve been suffering a serious depression recently. If you read this, I hope all of you, learn something from this, at least.

So, this is how the story began,  I’ve been madly in love with someone for 5 years. Like, I would do anything for him, literally, a-n-y-t-h-i-n-g. 

That time, I am just a little girl. I don’t even know my self-worth so I settle less than I deserve and I find myself trapped in a mess of chaos that’s even harder for me to get out. 

I am being super ignorant to my parents and my family just because our relationship didn’t workout the way we wanted it to be. I always protect him even though I have to lie to everyone. I already tired at this rate. I hold everything by myself.

I am writing this based on my personal experience. I am sorry if I offend somebody through my story.  It wasn’t my intention, I swear.

– and as time goes by – 

We both grown up as a man and a woman, I saw so many things from different aspects in life was so different. He changes so much until I can’t recognize him anymore. It’s like we are walking in different path. 

.. and the important part is, I don’t feel any self improvement in myself.
except, being a good liar to everyone.

I don’t feel beautiful as a woman, I’ve been mistreated for so long and I just can’t walk away just because I thought I don’t deserve anyone else, I am scared. People just don’t know what really happened, because they only see me smiling all the time.  

It’s never easy for me to walk away after 5 years, especially after I invested so much of myself into making it work. Know that by the time, I finally decide to leave, I already gave him countless chances but I am exhausted and totally heartbroken.

Yes, it’s one of the hardest thing I’ve ever done, to walk away when I still in love with him.

So many of you asked me, how can I manage my depression? 

The answer is, no one can help you unless it’s you. You have to open your mind, heart and eyes to see everything clearly.

I leave him for good. 

I have to continue my life. 

I don’t leave him just because I am no longer in love with him, but it’s the best for both of us and for the sake of my life. 

What I am trying to say is,

Does he treats you with respect? Does he inspire you to be a better person? If he is the exact person twenty years from now that he is today, would you still want to marry him?

Don’t allow anyone to treat you poorly just because you love them. Just be brave to walk away and move on, there is a quote saying “there are plenty of fish in the sea”, it’s true! Please, don’t be the old Elin. Know your worth, add your tax, and find someone who truly deserves you.